HANANE Habib still breaks down in tears when she opens up about her troubled childhood.
The Hillside author, 30, says sharing her struggles in a new book has liberated her, but the pain still won’t go away.
Ms Habib’s parents migrated to Australia from Lebanon in the late 1970s in search of a better life.
They settled in Brunswick before moving to a country town north-west of Melbourne when she was about four years old.
She says she was bullied in primary school for almost two years.
“I had my head shaved after getting lice and all the kids at school called me a boy, wog boy and choc wedge because I was one of the only non-Anglo Saxon kids,” she says.
“They told me to go back to my old country.”
When she was nine, an older relative sexually abused her on a number of occasions.
“I wanted to speak out, but I felt so ashamed and afraid. I didn’t know why it was happening to me,” she says.
As she grew up she also struggled with her family’s traditional expectations.
She turned to alcohol to numb the pain.
“It was not a good environment for me and I had no confidence or education and tried to hide my problems with alcohol,” she says.
During those dark times she thought about committing suicide.
“There were moments when I thought the best solution was to end my life,” Ms Habib says.
“I had no role model and had to deal with it all on my own. But my mum was important to me and I kept going. I didn’t give up.”
At 19 she left home, moving to Bayswater where she was exposed to an environment of sex, drugs, alcohol and domestic violence.
She says meeting her boyfriend David was a big turning point in her life. But his religion created fresh problems.
“He is Catholic and it didn’t go down well with my family when I tried to go back to them,” she says.
Aged 25, she decided to put it all down on paper. Misunderstood – A Scar For Life details her struggles with bullying, racism, abuse and forbidden love.
“I started pouring it all out on the pages, but I’d get too emotional and had to put it down for long periods,” she says.
“At 28 I decided to go back to it and it eventually got picked up by a publisher.”
Ms Habib, who remains in contact with her family, hopes the book encourages people not to give up on themselves regardless of hardship in their lives.
“It would have been easy to give up, but I got through it and I’m now focused on my health and lifestyle,” she says.
“I have worked in a number of jobs and am planning to write my second book soon. And I want to get married and have kids.”
Misunderstood-A Scar For Life is available on Amazon and via hananehabib.com
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