Yesterday, when I was having lunch at a noodle place, a lady came in and asked for a bowl of the lovely soup she thought might be called “foo”.
Today, while at the hairdresser, a nonna said, “No, no cut today, just a blow-job”.
Then my beloved was on a Qantas flight and the man next to him told the hostess someone left their iPad behind. She said, thank you, but they are actually in-flight TV screens, everyone has one. The man said, so do we get to take them home with us?
I’m having a good week for all the random, absurd, funny stuff I’ve overheard.
In the bottle shop, a lady went for a bottle of red wine and her partner said, no, don’t buy that, if you do you’ll just drink all of it and then you’re just stupid. So she picked up a two-litre cask instead.
A dude was telling a friend on the tram that even though his father was a Sikh and it is kind of a religion for him to wear his hair in a bun, he no longer wants to because everyone thinks he’s a hipster.
At a café, a kid asks for a hot chocolate without the froth and when it comes she looks disappointed and the waitress says, do you want me to unfroth it a bit more, and the kid says, yes and can I have another marshmallow while you’re there?
I hear this fight coming from a house while I’m out walking. Someone says, Dad, give me some money, just $30 so I can take my kids out. The reply is, maybe you should have thought of this earlier in the week when you bought that ute.
At my kitchen table, the other adult said how much he loved boiled eggs, he hadn’t had one for ages, and my youngest said, yeah dad but they’re not so good when you spit them all over the place while you’re speaking.
A friend said she’d seen someone post a pic of themselves in a bikini, announcing how delighted she was that she’d just had an organic fake tan delivered to her home, but I actually find it hard to believe this one. Who would do this and be sane?
Someone in Savers says, I’m looking for an old green and gold sports jacket. I’m going to get a “Team Australia” transfer for the back.
A friend tells me he heard a woman on her phone at the airport say, love, I’ve left your father. We got as far as Toowoomba and I realised I was going to kill him. Maybe the caravan idea wasn’t such a good one.
A lady in a buggy in the shopping centre stops to talk to some old ladies and says the government’s taken away her disability pension. When she leaves, one of the old dears says, well, it’s about time she got a job.
While this is happening, a dad yells at his pre-school kid to “f—ing keep up”. I just love shopping at Northland.
I can’t help but think about all these people and how they’re doing. The lady with the never-ending wine cask, the foo-lover, the couple whose fantasy trip around Australia was thwarted possibly by divorce. But mostly I think of the little boy who will hopefully one day choose not to keep up at all, but go his own way.
