All kids have their things. Here’s a list I’ve compiled from my own experience. I’m hoping it will be of use to new parents, old parents, tired parents, worried parents, and any parent who thinks there might be something wrong with their kid, which is surely all of us at some stage.
First, some kids eat only white stuff. Occasionally they will branch out and do yellow, but when it comes to food some will stick only to a pale colour palate. Most grow out of it eventually and most will break the rule for tomato sauce.
Some swear. I don’t know why they do this, but generally it’s because they’ve heard an adult swear. It’s not their fault, it’s yours.
Some are naughty. It doesn’t mean they’re going to be criminals when they grow up. It might, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves just yet. If they punch or kick or hurt other kids or abuse their teacher, that’s generally considered to be pretty naughty. But not wanting to play with someone because they’re not into them, or sticking up for themselves in the playground, doesn’t mean they’re naughty. It just means they’ll probably make a good lawyer one day.
Some are bossy. They just are. Others are good at emotional blackmail, and eventually they’ll both find someone who is better at these things than them.
They’ll probably even marry them.
Some like to make their own decisions and get their own way all the time. Some scream their heads off when they want something. Some have absolutely no patience and want whatever it is they want immediately. They are most kids.
Others are good. Mine aren’t, so I’m ad-libbing a bit here. Good kids do what they’re told. They are lovely and kind to others, they play nicely and go to sleep without a story and six songs. They’re compliant, and that makes life really easy for their parents, who might be lying around on a couch right now drinking tea.
Enjoy it, you relaxed parents you, but just remember being good all the time isn’t fun at all when you’re an adult. At some stage they’re gonna suss that one out.
Some kids are good at school and naughty at home, and vice versa, but if they’re naughty at both, something’s going on, we all know that. As a general rule, though, the naughty ones are usually the funniest.
Some kids like to tell you how it is. You might be able to take it from your own, but it’s never nice when a seven-year-old you didn’t give birth to tells you your food is crap, or you’ve mispronounced avocado, or they know more about the history of the universe than you do. There are kids who know everything and they’re just plain peaking too early. Sit back and wait for them to plateau.
Others live in their own worlds and go there every time you need them to set the table. They will come out of that world if you threaten to take away their iPods.
Some kids like to dob, some will have a good bawl over everything, some get cranky and angry when things don’t go their way, and others will ask you for a glass of water six times and then be surprised when they pee themselves. You can be pretty certain they learn not to do all these things by the time they get to high school.
In fact, most of this stuff they grow out of eventually, she says, crossing her fingers.
