I read a brochure for the armoured version of BMW’s X5 recently and what struck me as curious was that it kept mentioning that your luggage gets exactly the same security as you. And that you don’t have to leave the protection of your X5 to access your bags.
Why would anyone under attack want their bags? But then the penny dropped. When bad guys are shooting at you with Kalashnikovs your natural reaction is to grab your own Kalashnikov and shoot back.
I thus accept that BMW knows more about making armoured vehicles than me. It has been making them for 30 years and the interesting thing about the X5 is that all through its development the engineers had the armoured version in mind.
It’s practically impossible to pick an armoured X5 from a regular one. The easiest way is to get someone inside to lower their window, then you’ll spot the steel frame that lowers with the two-centimetre thick plastic/glass laminate to form a bulletproof seal where window meets body.
If you do manage to get them to do this, bear in mind that when they raise it again there is no pinch protection, so you may lose a finger. Or a hand or an arm. Best to use the inside/outside intercom.
It takes four times longer to build one of these than a normal X5, and after some prodding an exceptionally reluctant BMW spokesperson allowed that the cost differential between the two is “significant”.
She also confirmed that indeed these things are being sold in Australia to corporate and private clients, but wouldn’t tell me who. It immediately made me suspicious of the X5s I saw in the VIP convoys during the last election.
There are lots of interesting things in an armoured X5. Did you know that polyethylene and aramid are eight times lighter than steel and 15 times stronger? Which means your bulletproof X5 weighs just 350 kilograms more than the ordinary number. So with its twin turbo V8 it still goes like hell. And if the tyres are shot out it can still be driven for 150 kilometres at 80km/h. I’d prefer 80 kilometres at 150km/h.
You can have the floor done in these wonder materials to protect against shrapnel and debris from roadside bombs should you fret about such things. Also optional is a fuel tank that self-seals when penetrated by gunfire, firearms brackets, flashing lights, siren and radio communication.
There are three levels to which your new armoured BMW can be ordered: Security, to withstand an attack from 44-calibre magnum handguns, Security Plus (Kalashnikovs, aka AK47s) and High Security (explosives and high-calibre ammunition).
BMW can also teach you the ins and outs of the driving you see in the movies with one-, three- and six-day courses.
