Funerals are for the living, not for the dead. We know that while we are in life, so we are also in the presence of death – how could it be otherwise? But I have long believed that death, and the commemoration of death that is a funeral, exist to teach us how to live well. It is an ordinary sorrow that we are provided so many opportunities to reflect on this; those opportunities come around more frequently with age.
So it was on a bitterly cold morning last week that I found myself among a quiet and heavy-hearted crowd at St Peter’s Eastern Hill to remember the life of a woman who had a strong and joyous instinct for a life lived well.
Lorraine Elliott, former Victorian state member for the seat of Mooroolbark and parliamentary secretary for the arts, mother of three, former wife of businessman John Elliott and wife of former journalist John Kiely, died two weeks ago after an aggressive return of cancer that had been defeated years before.
She was one of the loveliest, most thoughtful and endearing people I have ever met in politics, and I became an admirer from the first. The real people in politics – the ones whose individual courage and candour never have to battle shallow ambition – are so few, their presence is electric. Lorraine was one of those, and the extraordinary crowd that gathered to remember her that cold, gusty morning bore witness to it.
The lovely city church, pre-dating the gold rush and whose foundation stone was laid by Charles La Trobe, was filled with an extraordinary cross-section of political, cultural and social figures. Former Victorian premier Ted Baillieu, current Premier Denis Napthine, lord mayor and former Liberal leader Robert Doyle, Michael Kroger, former senator Richard Alston, Victorian MP Tony Smith, Tanya Costello, wife of former federal treasurer Peter Costello. Representatives from the many arts organisations she loved and supported, including the Dame Nellie Melba Opera Trust, were there, too, and the music and singing from the church’s high gallery were a highlight. (For those who appreciate Melbourne history, Dame Nellie took organ lessons as a schoolgirl at this church.)
Lorraine Elliott’s passionate belief in the arts, in good government, in opportunities for women, in committed friendship, were celebrated in music and speech. It was a gathering of unusual warmth and affection.
As a parent, I think the best measure of a life well lived is that your children can speak of you at your funeral with real love, affection, respect and admiration. The Elliott children set a new benchmark for this, with a series of warm, funny and loving tributes that all ended with uncloaked grief at just how much they will miss their mother.
John Kiely, in the tightly edited prose of a good reporter, offered a beautiful insight into the woman who had made him so happy. One of Lorraine’s grandchildren brightly shared what he loved so much about his grandmother. A handwritten note of farewell from Lorraine to her grandchildren was reproduced in the order of service, and many of us made sure we only read that when we were somewhere out of view.
We all have to find our own reason for living and, right or wrong, I’ve never been in any doubt about the meaning of life. I have never wasted a moment pondering what it’s all for. I believe life’s purpose is connection: emotional, or intellectual, or philosophical, or creative, or familial, and I am always reminded of this sacred task every time I stand in black watching a coffin pass me by.
We are here to make true connections with each other and find the possibility of a life lived fully for each other. Those who knew Lorraine Elliott know that she did this with élan. On that cold, sad morning I was reminded once more.
» www.theweeklyreview.com.au/well-read/cover-story/7115-lorraine-s-moving-image
Virginia Trioli is co-host of ABC News Breakfast on ABC1 and ABC News 24, 6-9am weekdays.
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