I don’t want to be mean or anything, but Nicki Minaj needs to put her bottom away.
Given that the rogue Fart Remix version of her Anaconda song is a million times better than the original, I’m just thinking it could be time for her to put the booty back in the Cadillac or whatever it is she calls it.
In fact, at the risk of being called a dag or a prude, I think there a few girls who should start thinking about their nanas more when they get themselves out and about.
Ga Ga went to Cherry Bar in her undies, Taylor Swift is dancing around in togs and a tutu, and that little child with buck teeth we once knew to be Miley Cyrus is swinging nude on a wrecking ball. It’s getting out of hand, girls. Soon there will be nothing left to not wear.
Since the dawn of time, teenagers have dressed to appal their parents. Fashion trends for young people have always been predicated specifically on the notion that an item is only desirable if your parents would never consider wearing it. It’s why we wore treds, Boy George hats and Bay City Roller tartan socks, because all of it was so ghastly to our folks, which meant it was extremely cool to us.
It’s also why low-slung pants are so popular with the lads. No self-respecting grown up can afford to ignore the fact that it’s impossible to walk with a pair of trousers buckled around your thighs. That and the distinct possibility they might fall down to the ground at any moment.
The other important issue with low-hanging pants is that everyone can see your undies, which, one could argue, might well have been the point of wearing a pair of slacks in the first place.
Not any more, apparently.
All this exposed underwear, twerking, the booty songs and the MTV crowds’ growing fixation on girls’ bottoms in general is worrying for so many reasons, not the least being the fact that girls like Minaj and Kim Kardashian are so hell-bent on over-emphasising the sexual parts of their bodies, how can we be expected to take any other part of them seriously? (Kardashian went so far as to have an X-ray taken to prove her glutes weren’t – gasp – surgically enhanced.)
Or that these pointless pop songs about boys loving big butts might encourage the lads to think it actually is OK now to comment on the size of girls’ bottoms when for so long we’ve been telling them it isn’t. That’s what those big butts are for, right – the boys. And then young girls will continue to think that all you ever need to do in life is put your butt out on display and you’ll get the guy. No point in living for any other reason, right?
Even Meghan Trainor’s All About That Bass song, gorgeous in its celebration of normal female bodies, is still focused on how the female body translates in terms of hooking up with a guy. She quotes her mother, for heavens sake. Boys like a bit of booty to hold at night, apparently.
Didn’t we fight this one already? The focus may have moved from boobs to backsides, but the conversation about the female body as mere sexual currency continues, and that’s just stupid. More stupid, even, than the songs these girls are singing.
